Trees

We were walking through this forest. The forest was full of hills and trees, but most of the trees were already dying, uprooted and bulldozed down. We walked further in. The person with me was a guy. I think he might have been a friend of mine or brother, but I'm not sure. I felt like I was saying, this is the place I'm accustomed to, and this is how I manage to survive. I showed him the path I took… how the path was very very narrow, and on either side the ground was not present… the shoulders of the path dropped away to nothing, and kept going down and down and further down. The roads were black and gray, and the holes were reddish, as if glowing from the fires of destruction caused by all the work being done around us. Or was it a war? At any rate, this was the place I was use to, and I showed him how I walked the path, crawling in spots where it was not possible to walk, and moving from one path to another, like working my way around a maze.

Then the scene changed, my grandfather was there. I think I was with my sister, but sometimes it felt like someone else, a friend, but female. I was tending to my grandfathers, who both died close to 20 years ago, and my mother's father was asking me to check to see how much money he had left in his insurance. He had cashed in his insurance policy to pay for his hospital bills, and he was wondering how much he had left. I knew this was important, so I wrote it down on a yellow notepad like I have at work. Neither one of them could sit up by himself, so I leaned him against a tree.

Then we were inside and we had beds. My son was in one bed. A guy I work with was in another. My grandfather was in one, but then moved, and this other guy I work with was going to sleep in his bed. The bed smelled old like my grandfather, and I was glad I didn't have to lay in that bed. I lay with the guy I worked with for a few minutes, but I felt nervous. He had his arm around me, and then I said, don't worry, I'll go get another bed. We are only co-workers, so there's no real relationship between us. There was another empty bed. The guy I work with was telling me to put $20 in the coffee fund because that should last him, and I knew he meant four months, until summer. He kept asking me if I understood what he was saying, and I replied, "Medal". He said no... and he repeated his request, as if it was very important. I don't know why I said the word Medal. It came from nowhere.

Then my sister and I were back outside at the construction site… it was the hospital now, but there were foreigners around who were trying to threaten people. The air was filled with black smoke, and I knew this is where my sister worked, and I felt bad that she had to go to work in all that smoke and debris flying in the air. It literally looked as if we were in the middle of a warzone. But against who or what? We were moving through the halls to get to the other side of the hospital. There was an old man and woman, strangers, in the hall trying to stop us. I had on roller skates, and my sister was supposed to be behind me. I was afraid she couldn't keep up, so I turned around to go get her. I had to fight with the people so my sister could get away from them, and then we turned around and moved on. When we walked to the other side, the hills were open, very scenic and beautiful… and there were foreigners there… Asian, I believe. But it was peaceful here. A smiling man welcomed us, and we walked down these steps onto a porch with winding wooden bridges and beautiful shops. Mom was there thinking of buying something for Dad for his birthday, which is in April. She was looking at patterns and wanting to make a pillow, but she wanted the pillow so she could enter it in a contest before she gave it to him. I was thinking that this was not like Mom at all. Then my sister and I walked into this room that was a nursery, and there were women there who had just delivered babies. Some of the babies were crying, and others were eating. I saw this one woman sitting in a crib with her baby. She was small and was wearing a green body suit and reading a book. The baby was sucking on a pacifier and was only a little bigger than my hand but looked healthy and happy. The baby began to cry. I was thinking about how small my daughter use to be, and I began to cry. I was crying uncontrollably, that deep yearning, cathartic kind of crying, and then I woke up.