This article was first posted on The Gnat.
Could this be authentic? A shy and somewhat klutzy receptionist admits to a close personal friend that she's had psychic moments for years. The close personal friend immediately contacts The Gnat with the latest scoop on her "kind of pretty but socially inept" friend's should-be claim to fame. Without losing a moment we've contacted receptionist Matilda Blake to get her story.
Miss Blake, 29 years old and hopelessly single, says she first realized her gift when she was having a flashback while driving along Florence-Byram road near the blueberry farm. "I was thinking about my mother while I was on my way to work, and then I looked up and saw this woman standing on the side of the road who looked just like her."
Only recently, while shopping at the Pearl location of Wal-Mart, did Matilda have her most startling psychic moment ever. "I was thinking about what to cook for supper, and I thought about those little drummettes ya know? Those tiny ones, but I was thinking about frying them...then I took two steps and there in the sugar aisle were the greasy, boney remains of a barbequed hot wing! I knew in the instant I saw those bones that I felt like chicken tonight."
When asked what her visions might mean, Matilda admits that she doesn't have a clue, so we asked our overly-judgmental and unattractive Gnat Paranormal Expert for an explanation of these random and seemingly insignificant psychic moments.
"Matilda is experiencing precognitive reception without even realizing it. For example, the thought of making drumsticks for dinner might not have ever occurred to her had there not been a hot wing on the floor. She'd never have thought about her mother had there not been a woman resembling her on the side of the road."
"The chances that Matilda's gift will actually one day be of any practical use is completely hopeless. You can tell by her slouchy posture, messy hair, and disorganized manner that she has no confidence in herself or her gift, and will probably just use it to get fifteen minutes of fame on Jerry Springer. It's obvious that she has a nauseating need to feel special and will exploit this gift without giving it a chance to do the world any real good. In fact, I'd say her gift will probably further contribute to her alienation from society... if that's at all possible."
Since being informed of our Gnat Paranormal Expert's observations and opinions, Matilda has resigned from her reception position at Bob's Barbed Wire Fencing Company and boarded herself up inside her single-wide trailer and can't be reached for further comment.
"Probably the smartest move she'll ever make," says our Gnat Paranormal Expert while casually wiping his nose on his shirt sleeve.